Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
