I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
