Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
