you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
