I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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