I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
