This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
