i think i scared a bird with my dick
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
