i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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