you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
