I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
