He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
