Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
