I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Randomize
