Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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