I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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