who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
