Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
