they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have fence marks all over my body
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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