lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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