I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
