this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My liver just had a heart attack.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
