wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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