Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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