yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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