You just made me feel so damn special
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
