Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
