no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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