he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
