The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
