If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
