I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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