so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
