You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
