he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
