So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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