I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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