hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
