it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
