1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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