I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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