So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
