Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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