I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
barbara walters just said penis...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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