Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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