I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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