so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
