I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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