party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
