question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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