i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
