he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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