oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
