the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
COCAINE IS GR8
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