My sheets look like a crime scene.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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